Hi Agony Aunt
My name is Harry and I am 17. I feel ready to have sex for the first time with my long-term girlfriend, Kate, she is 16 and also a virgin.
I respect and love Kate, but I’m not quite sure how to bring up the topic of sex. I want to respect Kate’s attitudes and values towards our relationship and having sex. Can you help me?
Your response must discuss the following;
How could Harry show respect towards Kate’s attitudes and values about having a sexual relationship?
How will the well-being of their relationship be enhanced by Harry supporting Kate’s attitudes and values?
Hi Harry, thank you for your letter I hope I can help. I hope that the information and advice that is following will hopefully help you to make a positive decision that will benefit your relationship with Kate. Both you and Kate have rights and responsibilities, this is very important to remember. To show respect towards Kate’s values and decision on whether or not she wants a sexual relationship, you should always remember that you have the responsibility to respect what ever decision Kate is comfortable with. She has the right to say no if she is not ready. This isn’t something you can bring up in any random conversation there is a right time and place. I suggest finding a quiet place where you won’t be disturbed and both of you are comfortable to talk, so both you and Kate are able to express your point of views on the matter in an assertive way. One possible way of bringing up topic is ask her whether she is ready to take the next step in your relationship, let her know you are ready but also fully respect her decision and don’t want to put any pressure on her. An important tip would be try not to get to flustered about it get straight to the point this way Kate may feel more comfortable about talking about the topic of sex. Also don’t rush into things if you think you need a day or a week to really think about it make sure you do! This goes for Kate as well. You may find Kate isn’t yet ready to discuss the topic with you, it’s very important you respect this decision of Kate’s as pressing the matter is likely to make your relationship weaker. However there is a possibility the discussion will conclude in the two of you deciding to take your relationship to the next level. In this case your four different aspects of Hauora may be enhanced. By choosing to have sex your mental and emotional Hauora of your relationship could change in a positive and negative way, on a positive note having a sexual relationship could bring you closer together as a couple such as you feel more comfortable around one another, and are able to talk through things and express your feelings to each other better. However the change could have a negative affect on your relationship with Kate, because if the right decision isn’t made you could regret it, this could also end up pushing you away from each other. That is why it is so important you and a good comfortable conversation with Kate before making the right decision. Your physical Hauora as a couple will also change and there is a positive and negative side. Positively a change in your physical Hauora could make you and Kate more comfortable around each other both in public and private. Although a negative outcome of your physical Hauora changing may be Kate falling pregnant, this could dramatically affect both of not only your lives but your families lives as well. Make sure during your talk with Kate you discuss some forms of protection for example using a condom or Kate going on the pill, taking precautions will help prevent Kate falling pregnant. Considering you are both virgins it’s very unlikely either of you are carrying any STI’s, so you shouldn’t have to worry about that. Socially the decision to have a sexual relationship with Kate isn’t going to change your social Huaora as because of the respect you have expressed for Kate it’s not likely you will discus your sexual relationship with any one other than Kate herself. Spiritually your Huaora may be affect in a way that in the future you and Kate will be able to openly and easily express your feels and opinions to each other knowing the other will respect what you have to say. I hope this information/advice I have given will help you and Kate to make a positive depiction that will make both of you happy. Just remember both you and Kate have rights and responsibilities within your relationship. Harry if in the future you face any more problems flick me a letter, I’ll happily try my best to help you out.
Walter Mitty learned a lesson about life in the movie,The Secret Life Of Walter Mitty. Walter learned a lesson about life when he jumped out a helicopter while attempting to land on the ship. This was one of his first adventurous actions that he performed in the movie and in his life. The lesson Walter was able learn by putting himself out there and taking risks is you can accomplish things in life such as becoming a more confident person and being able to stand up for yourself. A film technique that the director used in this scene was the wide shot where he was jumping out of the helicopter onto the wrong boat. This showed the risk Walter was taking and how it could have gone wrong.
Today was a very stressful day, to start my day I logged onto E harmony and found Cheryl’s page, I tried to send her a wink but it wouldn’t work, then I phoned them while I was a the train station waiting to catch the train to get to work, I zoned out whilst on the phone and missed my train. I arrived late to work and found out that Life Magazine was going on line and I could loose my job, to make matters worse the guy that was taking over, Ted, is a dick and is so rude to me. Sean sent a new set of negatives and told me in his letter that he would like slide 25 to be the last Life Magazines cover, so I took the negatives out and just to make my day that little but worse it was missing, I asked Hernando if he knew where is was and he didn’t. Currently I have Hernando searching the whole office trying to find it. I’d have to say I’m glad today is over.
The original secret life of Walter Mitty the short story was written by James Thurber.
The story revolves around Walter Mitty, who has all sorts of day dreams, these day dreams revolve on him being a hero. He experiences these day dreams whilst he takes his wife to the Waterbury hair dressers. Mr Mitty most likely experience these day dreams because he is bored with his mundane life. During his visit in Waterbury he only had two simple tasks yet his mind was in a whole other adventure. His wife is quite worried about his physiological condition as she feels it could distract him at the wrong time and get him killed. He even has a day dream about assisting the doctor who his wife told him to see in saving another mans life!
The piano scene – This scene involves Walter Mitty and his family Odessa Mitty and Mrs Mitty trying to find an apartment with a big enough lounge to fit the piano Walter’ Dad gave his Mum before he died. They also are packing up the mothers this and during this process the find a box fill of what Mrs Mitty called ‘my Walter box’. The directors purpose for including this scene was to introduce the Mitty family. We are getting to know the background of the family and more about the characters and there own past. It shows he had plans to do interesting things but he never ended up doing them. It also helps show how confident he is around his family. The directors intentions were to show the audience these things, to help them understand the characters.
Opening scene – the opening scene starts with Walter at his house doing so accounts the directors purposes of this is to show the viewer Walter’s account book with the logged dates and things he spends his money on. This helps the viewer start to understand Walter as a character. He then goes on eHarmany on Cheryl Melhoff’s page deciding weather or not to send her a wink. He is been fence, and indecisive. The directors intentions here would have been to show more of Walter’s personality ie. him been very unsure and not confident in himself. The director used a close up on Walter’s fingers on the keyboard to keep the scene interesting. The directors reason for using Walter’s house as the setting is to show his way of living, he is very neat and tidy. His apartment gas very plain and boring colours. The director uses a birds eye view shot to show this in depth. When he finally decides to send a wink it doesn’t work this shows irony. As he is waiting at the train stop he gets a call from Todd Mahar here the director is introducing an important character into the film. While talking on the phone Todd brings up Walter’s empty been there and done that section on his page “I haven’t really been anywhere noteworthy or mentionable”. Here the director is showing the viewers more things about Walter so they are able to understand him better. As he is talking to Todd the director brings in another aspect of Walter’s life his ‘zoning out’ in this instance he was day dreaming about saving Cheryl’s dog, the director uses slow motion a special effect when Walter jumps over the bridge then into fast ford as he goes flying into the window. When he comes back to reality he realises he has missed the train and Todd is on the phone still. From all this we learn more about Walter.
5a – This scene starts with an establishing shot of New York City to show the change in scene. The Mitty family selling the piano. The directors intentions of this would have been to show the audience how much the Mitty family rely on each other for support, also that until know they haven’t really been able to let there father who died go from there lives. The director uses a mid-shot which helps shot the audience the closeness of the family. Just as they are leaving Walters mum gives him the wallet that Sean gave him earlier in the film. The directors intentions for this are to help the audience understand the relationship between the two family members, they are very close and rely on each other a lot such as how Walter’s mum always saves his knick knacks.
5b – During this scene Walter take negative 25 to Ted in the Life online offices. The directors intentions in this part were to wrap things up in the film, but also to finish Walter’s story off and show the audience that he has more courage as he walks through the Life offices. Walter is now able to stand up to Ted, and for once Ted doesn’t know what to say. This is shown when instead of Ted telling Walter what to do Walter is stating facts to Ted “there’s your quintessence.” The main point of this scene is to show Walter now feel equal to Ted.
Walter Mitty- Walter Mitty has a relationship with all of the characters on this list as he is the main character, he has friendly relationship with Cheryl which then developed into a romantic one. He has a strong family relationship with both his mother and his sister. Todd is the guy off E-Harmony and Walter has a verbal relationship with him to begin with and then he meets him towards the end if the movie. Ted his boss is rather horrible to Walter and they have a negative relationship with each other.
Dialogue- “I had this idea of who I wanted to be and what I wanted to do”
Cheryl Melhoff- Cheryl Melhoff has a relationship with Walter Mitty as stated before they have a friendship to start with which then developed into a romantic relationship towards the end of the movie.
Dialogue- “life is about courage and going into the unknown”
Odessa Mitty- Odessa Mitty has a brother sister relationship with Walter and also has a mother daughter relationship with Edna Mitty.
Dialogue- “strech Armstrong”
Edna Mitty- Edna Mitty has a relationship with both Walter and Odessa Mitty as they are her children, they are a very close family and let each other know what is happening in there lives. They feel like they can trust each other
Dialogue- “I always keep your nick nacks.”
Todd Mahar- Todd Mahar has a virtual relationship with Walter for the majority of the movie as they only talk over the phone. Todd works at e harmony which is an online dating website that Walter is using but his account doesn’t seem to be working, they don’t meet till the end of the movie as Walter gets into trouble with customs and Todd helps him out.
Dialogue- “how can I help you today”
Ted Hendricks- Ted Hendricks is the boss at life magazine and the charter the audience loves to hate. He is horrible to Walter and has no need to be but he doesn’t it to assert his dominance.
Dialogue- “hey, dream machine”
“Dissatisfaction with your mundane life”
The idea that people are not satisfied with their mundane life’s is relevant in today’s society because everyone at one stage gets bored with their life, whether it be because of a lack of hobby? Or because they don’t have anyone to share stuff with. This is shown in the movie by Walter Mitty fantasising about adventures, “I just like to live by the abc’s, adventurous brave and creative”.
In society having a mundane life is quite normal, many people live by the same routine everyday and soon get bored, this then leads to them taking up a new sport, hobby and doing something with other people.
Odessa & Walter
An important friendship in the film The Secret Life of Walter Mitty is the friendship between Odessa Mitty and Walter Mitty. Walter and Odessa are brother and sister yet they hold a very important friendship throughout the film because it helps the reader understand more about Walter. For example early on in the film Odessa gives Walter Stretch Armstrong for his birthday, this shows the important friendship as the reader is able to understand that Odessa cares for Walter and puts in the effort to come up with a gift idea that will make him laugh and remember back to his childhood. “This was your favourite thing when we were little” is a quote from the film just as Odessa gives the toy to Walter it shows the close friendship they hold. During this scene the director uses a mid-body shot if the two characters so the audience can see the interaction between the two characters such as the way they stand close to each and the body language they use towards one another. From this the reader is able to see they are comfortable been around each other and hold a close friendship with is an important aspect to the film.