Hi Agony Aunt
My name is Harry and I am 17. I feel ready to have sex for the first time with my long-term girlfriend, Kate, she is 16 and also a virgin.
I respect and love Kate, but I’m not quite sure how to bring up the topic of sex. I want to respect Kate’s attitudes and values towards our relationship and having sex. Can you help me?
Your response must discuss the following;
How could Harry show respect towards Kate’s attitudes and values about having a sexual relationship?
How will the well-being of their relationship be enhanced by Harry supporting Kate’s attitudes and values?
Hi Harry, thank you for your letter I hope I can help. I hope that the information and advice that is following will hopefully help you to make a positive decision that will benefit your relationship with Kate. Both you and Kate have rights and responsibilities, this is very important to remember. To show respect towards Kate’s values and decision on whether or not she wants a sexual relationship, you should always remember that you have the responsibility to respect what ever decision Kate is comfortable with. She has the right to say no if she is not ready. This isn’t something you can bring up in any random conversation there is a right time and place. I suggest finding a quiet place where you won’t be disturbed and both of you are comfortable to talk, so both you and Kate are able to express your point of views on the matter in an assertive way. One possible way of bringing up topic is ask her whether she is ready to take the next step in your relationship, let her know you are ready but also fully respect her decision and don’t want to put any pressure on her. An important tip would be try not to get to flustered about it get straight to the point this way Kate may feel more comfortable about talking about the topic of sex. Also don’t rush into things if you think you need a day or a week to really think about it make sure you do! This goes for Kate as well. You may find Kate isn’t yet ready to discuss the topic with you, it’s very important you respect this decision of Kate’s as pressing the matter is likely to make your relationship weaker. However there is a possibility the discussion will conclude in the two of you deciding to take your relationship to the next level. In this case your four different aspects of Hauora may be enhanced. By choosing to have sex your mental and emotional Hauora of your relationship could change in a positive and negative way, on a positive note having a sexual relationship could bring you closer together as a couple such as you feel more comfortable around one another, and are able to talk through things and express your feelings to each other better. However the change could have a negative affect on your relationship with Kate, because if the right decision isn’t made you could regret it, this could also end up pushing you away from each other. That is why it is so important you and a good comfortable conversation with Kate before making the right decision. Your physical Hauora as a couple will also change and there is a positive and negative side. Positively a change in your physical Hauora could make you and Kate more comfortable around each other both in public and private. Although a negative outcome of your physical Hauora changing may be Kate falling pregnant, this could dramatically affect both of not only your lives but your families lives as well. Make sure during your talk with Kate you discuss some forms of protection for example using a condom or Kate going on the pill, taking precautions will help prevent Kate falling pregnant. Considering you are both virgins it’s very unlikely either of you are carrying any STI’s, so you shouldn’t have to worry about that. Socially the decision to have a sexual relationship with Kate isn’t going to change your social Huaora as because of the respect you have expressed for Kate it’s not likely you will discus your sexual relationship with any one other than Kate herself. Spiritually your Huaora may be affect in a way that in the future you and Kate will be able to openly and easily express your feels and opinions to each other knowing the other will respect what you have to say. I hope this information/advice I have given will help you and Kate to make a positive depiction that will make both of you happy. Just remember both you and Kate have rights and responsibilities within your relationship. Harry if in the future you face any more problems flick me a letter, I’ll happily try my best to help you out.